When you’re a poor foreign student it’s great to get free stuff. One of the differences I’ve found between French university life and Australian university life is that here you actually have to buy clothes. In Sydney you can live off free T-shirts for at least 2 weeks without washing any. However here there are still ways to obtain stuff for free. For example forgetting to tell friends that they left food at your place. It’s also good when 3 of your friends go away for the weekend leaving you behind with all the food they think may go off before they get back. Another hot tip: make friends with people who brought so many pairs of shoes that when one is slightly too big they can afford to give it away and people who buy 4 euro dresses without trying them on. In the past week or so I’ve managed to collect the following items: a tin of lentils, half a bag of curry powder, half a box of brownie, half a loaf of brioche, a capsicum, a tub of crème fraîche, a pair of shoes, a yoghurt, almost a whole garlic, almost a whole box of hot chocolate, a purple dress. Sure I may only be one step away from dumpster diving, but I promise I will never cross that line.
Moving on, this weekend was Easter. Back home when I pictured Easter in France I imagined hanging out with a whole lot of French people, maybe having some kind of civilised meal, possibly going to a French Church, eating chocolate eggs, maybe even painting some real eggs, etc etc. Instead I spent my weekend with Americans, didn’t eat or see one piece of chocolate, did walk past a church at one point but never went in, and ate nothing but pizza. I also realised today that I may have committed each one of the seven deadly sins over this weekend alone. I feel bad that this happened over Easter, but at least I’m being honest. So here are my confessions..
Lust: On Saturday we went to a waterpolo game. I’ve never seen so many almost naked French men. And I know I wasn’t the only one having bad thoughts.
Gluttony: Alcohol. Sigh. Both Thursday and Saturday nights. Lots. (According to the photos anyway… I have no memory to back that up)
Greed: I don’t think I’ve ever eaten as much pizza as I did tonight. That was ridic. Probably wouldn’t be so bad if we hadn’t eaten all that pizza on Friday as well. And fries. I’m never eating again.
Sloth: After going to bed at 6am on Sunday morning and getting up who knows when, I think I spent all of Easter Sunday watching DVDs and lying on beds. I didn’t leave the second floor of my building.
Wrath: I think I got pretty angry on Saturday night and started yelling at people because I was bored. Why am I such a horrible person?
Envy: I am so jealous of all the trips people have been planning. I NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE. I’m also jealous of people who have cars here, and people who are best friends with people who have cars here.
Pride: I don’t really understand this sin. Is it to do with vanity or self-esteem or what? I wasted a lot of money on makeup on Friday. Also I was pretty proud of the daisy chain I made today in that field of flowers where a donkey was pulling along a cart of children, followed by a lamb just wandering behind. Wow that really was Easter.
The good news is, I don’t think I sinned at the art gallery. (I can just hear Christian [linguist]s saying, “actually the good news [which is the meaning of the word ‘gospel’, from the Old English ‘god-spell’, a calque of the Greek word ‘euangelion’] is Jesus Christ and his resurrection”. Fair point, but did you really need that many brackets and quotation marks? P.S. If I read one more book or hear one more talk in which the meaning of the word ‘gospel’ is explained I may actually cry. Please just assume we already know. Please?)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I can't unitask
This is how I get assignments done...
Tab 1 – Gmail: 14 new messages. I’ve read them already. Reply later.
Tab 2 – Facebook: No new notifications in the past 3 minutes.
Tab 3 – Googlebooks: Language and the Internet by David Crystal. Can’t say it’s one of my favourite books but need to read it for an assignment. He’s talking about netizens (citizens of the Internet). I wonder if netizen has a wikipedia article.
Tab 4 – Wikipedia: netizen. Oh my god it does. Am I a netizen? I suppose I do have 6 email addresses, facebook, msn, a blog. Not sure if I “have a self-imposed responsibility to make certain that [the Internet] is improved in its development while encouraging free speech and open access”. Wow I like the word portmanteau. Why don’t I use it more often? Click. Why is it taking so long?
Tab 1 – No more new messages than before.
Tab 2 – Who’s online? No one worth talking to. 330am in Sydney. Click. Taking too long. I need to use all that spinach before it goes bad. What can I cook?
Tab 5 – Google: Spinach recipes. Click. Calf’s brains with spinach. Really? Surely if I’d wanted to cook that I would’ve typed calf brain recipes. Although I may have a spare calf brain lying around in the fridge. What do I have in the fridge?
Tab 6 – Google: fridge. Hannah. Think about this a second. Close tab.
Tab 5 – Spinach soup? Yeah maybe. Could work. What was I doing before?
Tab 4 – Oh yeah portmanteau.
Tab 1 – No more new messages. I wonder how many times I’ve used the word portmanteau in gchat. Zero. I’m not surprised.
Tab 4 – “The usage of the word "portmanteau" in this sense first appeared in Lewis Carroll's book Through the Looking-Glass (1871), in which Humpty Dumpty explains to Alice the coinage of the unusual words in Jabberwocky”. Oh wow. This is the best day of my life. Oh my god.
Tab 2: New message. CLARE I finally got the Humpty Dumpty thing!! Biggest coincidence ever. So I was reading about portmanteaux in Wikipedia (words that are made of two other words (like netizen) and apparently in Jabberwocky Humpty Dumpty makes some words up like that and then explains to Alice that it’s a portmanteau and shiz! SO apparently Mark Aronoff wasn’t completely off his head!
Tab 4: Porte-manteau means coat-hanger?? I thought coat-hanger in french was some other word. Hm.
Tab 6: Babel Fish: Coathanger, English to French. Manteau-cintre. Yeah cintre. That’s what I though. What was I doing before?
Tab 4: Ha. Bennifer is a portemanteau. I love linguistics. Linguistics! That’s right I was reading a book.
Tab 3 – I swear I know more about the Internet than this guy. He keeps talking about chat groups and virtual worlds. What the hell. What about chat? Just chat. Who uses chat groups? And virtual worlds?? Not since the Habbo Hotel of year 8 my friend.
Tab 1 – Still no one online. Bah. I wonder if the word multitask has an opposite. Do you think at a job interview you could tell them (if they asked what your weaknesses were) that you couldn’t (insert opposite of multitask here)?
Tab 6 – Google: multitask antonym. Urban dictionary? I think not. Let’s try… Wictionary: taking too long to load. I reckon the opposite of multi- is uni- so I’ll start saying unitask and see if it catches on. Yeah.
Tab 2 – Ooh someone has put photos online. These are boring. I wonder if anyone has commented on my blog.
Tab 7 – Nope. Maybe I’ll write a new post.
Tab 1 – Gmail: 14 new messages. I’ve read them already. Reply later.
Tab 2 – Facebook: No new notifications in the past 3 minutes.
Tab 3 – Googlebooks: Language and the Internet by David Crystal. Can’t say it’s one of my favourite books but need to read it for an assignment. He’s talking about netizens (citizens of the Internet). I wonder if netizen has a wikipedia article.
Tab 4 – Wikipedia: netizen. Oh my god it does. Am I a netizen? I suppose I do have 6 email addresses, facebook, msn, a blog. Not sure if I “have a self-imposed responsibility to make certain that [the Internet] is improved in its development while encouraging free speech and open access”. Wow I like the word portmanteau. Why don’t I use it more often? Click. Why is it taking so long?
Tab 1 – No more new messages than before.
Tab 2 – Who’s online? No one worth talking to. 330am in Sydney. Click. Taking too long. I need to use all that spinach before it goes bad. What can I cook?
Tab 5 – Google: Spinach recipes. Click. Calf’s brains with spinach. Really? Surely if I’d wanted to cook that I would’ve typed calf brain recipes. Although I may have a spare calf brain lying around in the fridge. What do I have in the fridge?
Tab 6 – Google: fridge. Hannah. Think about this a second. Close tab.
Tab 5 – Spinach soup? Yeah maybe. Could work. What was I doing before?
Tab 4 – Oh yeah portmanteau.
Tab 1 – No more new messages. I wonder how many times I’ve used the word portmanteau in gchat. Zero. I’m not surprised.
Tab 4 – “The usage of the word "portmanteau" in this sense first appeared in Lewis Carroll's book Through the Looking-Glass (1871), in which Humpty Dumpty explains to Alice the coinage of the unusual words in Jabberwocky”. Oh wow. This is the best day of my life. Oh my god.
Tab 2: New message. CLARE I finally got the Humpty Dumpty thing!! Biggest coincidence ever. So I was reading about portmanteaux in Wikipedia (words that are made of two other words (like netizen) and apparently in Jabberwocky Humpty Dumpty makes some words up like that and then explains to Alice that it’s a portmanteau and shiz! SO apparently Mark Aronoff wasn’t completely off his head!
Tab 4: Porte-manteau means coat-hanger?? I thought coat-hanger in french was some other word. Hm.
Tab 6: Babel Fish: Coathanger, English to French. Manteau-cintre. Yeah cintre. That’s what I though. What was I doing before?
Tab 4: Ha. Bennifer is a portemanteau. I love linguistics. Linguistics! That’s right I was reading a book.
Tab 3 – I swear I know more about the Internet than this guy. He keeps talking about chat groups and virtual worlds. What the hell. What about chat? Just chat. Who uses chat groups? And virtual worlds?? Not since the Habbo Hotel of year 8 my friend.
Tab 1 – Still no one online. Bah. I wonder if the word multitask has an opposite. Do you think at a job interview you could tell them (if they asked what your weaknesses were) that you couldn’t (insert opposite of multitask here)?
Tab 6 – Google: multitask antonym. Urban dictionary? I think not. Let’s try… Wictionary: taking too long to load. I reckon the opposite of multi- is uni- so I’ll start saying unitask and see if it catches on. Yeah.
Tab 2 – Ooh someone has put photos online. These are boring. I wonder if anyone has commented on my blog.
Tab 7 – Nope. Maybe I’ll write a new post.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Letter to a weirdo
To Zack or similar,
Just thought I should let you know that I’m not going to call you. And here’s why:
1. As I understand it, you want to have a drink with a few of us so that you can practise your English. No offence, but I did kind of come to this country to practise my French. And since the snooty French girls in the few classes I had didn’t seem to want to talk to me, I’m not feeling inclined to help your country out (no, it isn’t racist, it’s just angry).
2. It was pretty clear you didn’t understand our non-american accents anyway, which is something I gathered from the fact that you asked us the same questions over and over again after we’d already answered them.
3. (Most importantly), as a La Source inhabitant I associate you with the other local guys. This means I assume you are the kind of person who calls me and my friends “fat potatoes” and yells things like “You speak English? You want to suck my dick?”
4. I know you said you’re not like those other guys, but the fact that you are a stranger who randomly approached us in the supermarket and asked for our numbers doesn’t really help your case.
Not sure if you’re aware, but there’s a language centre in the law building where you can join conversation groups led by an English speaker who has actually volunteered to speak English with you, rather than some random you harassed while they were trying to buy a can of orangina. I suggest you check it out.
Love from Hannah
Just thought I should let you know that I’m not going to call you. And here’s why:
1. As I understand it, you want to have a drink with a few of us so that you can practise your English. No offence, but I did kind of come to this country to practise my French. And since the snooty French girls in the few classes I had didn’t seem to want to talk to me, I’m not feeling inclined to help your country out (no, it isn’t racist, it’s just angry).
2. It was pretty clear you didn’t understand our non-american accents anyway, which is something I gathered from the fact that you asked us the same questions over and over again after we’d already answered them.
3. (Most importantly), as a La Source inhabitant I associate you with the other local guys. This means I assume you are the kind of person who calls me and my friends “fat potatoes” and yells things like “You speak English? You want to suck my dick?”
4. I know you said you’re not like those other guys, but the fact that you are a stranger who randomly approached us in the supermarket and asked for our numbers doesn’t really help your case.
Not sure if you’re aware, but there’s a language centre in the law building where you can join conversation groups led by an English speaker who has actually volunteered to speak English with you, rather than some random you harassed while they were trying to buy a can of orangina. I suggest you check it out.
Love from Hannah
Saturday, April 4, 2009
i think i forgot to go to bed again tonight
Hello
A lot of people ask me “How is Orléans?” and usually I answer by saying that its boring and I do nothing all the time. “But at least you’re becoming awesome at French”. Actually no, I’m not. I’ve had this conversation many times now, and I’m getting bored with it so I’ve decided to elaborate and say that Orléans is not just boring, but also awkward, weird and French. Here are the most awkward, weird and French things that have happened to me lately.
Awkward: You know when you show up to the weekly uni party in the sweaty basement of the Polytech building expecting a lot of dancing and rum but after you pay the entry you discover it’s the end of a sit down dinner with live band? What do you do in this situation? Drink the rest of the punch, then sit there looking like an idiot, only getting up to retrieve your shoe when friend throws it towards another table. Then you steal 3 rocks from the Christmas-related decorative place settings and leave.
Weird: This week the aerobics instructor slash security guard kissed me on the cheek and then slapped me in the face. As a greeting. Yes, cheek kissing is the done thing, but usually I only tend to do it with reasonably close non-Anglophone friends, or at least people who aren’t THE AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR SLASH SECURITY GUARD. What’s more, I tend to reserve face slaps for people who know me really well and can justify doing it.
French: We were in the local bakery. One of my friends was holding a punnet of strawberries she’d just bought. The baker said in French something along the lines of “Oh you brought me strawberries, that’s so nice”, then took them out of her hand. He then went over to his fridge to get a can of whipped cream which he brought back with the strawberries saying (in English this time) “that’s a French touch.” Our other friend later ate the cream.
A lot of people ask me “How is Orléans?” and usually I answer by saying that its boring and I do nothing all the time. “But at least you’re becoming awesome at French”. Actually no, I’m not. I’ve had this conversation many times now, and I’m getting bored with it so I’ve decided to elaborate and say that Orléans is not just boring, but also awkward, weird and French. Here are the most awkward, weird and French things that have happened to me lately.
Awkward: You know when you show up to the weekly uni party in the sweaty basement of the Polytech building expecting a lot of dancing and rum but after you pay the entry you discover it’s the end of a sit down dinner with live band? What do you do in this situation? Drink the rest of the punch, then sit there looking like an idiot, only getting up to retrieve your shoe when friend throws it towards another table. Then you steal 3 rocks from the Christmas-related decorative place settings and leave.
Weird: This week the aerobics instructor slash security guard kissed me on the cheek and then slapped me in the face. As a greeting. Yes, cheek kissing is the done thing, but usually I only tend to do it with reasonably close non-Anglophone friends, or at least people who aren’t THE AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR SLASH SECURITY GUARD. What’s more, I tend to reserve face slaps for people who know me really well and can justify doing it.
French: We were in the local bakery. One of my friends was holding a punnet of strawberries she’d just bought. The baker said in French something along the lines of “Oh you brought me strawberries, that’s so nice”, then took them out of her hand. He then went over to his fridge to get a can of whipped cream which he brought back with the strawberries saying (in English this time) “that’s a French touch.” Our other friend later ate the cream.
Numbers
Time overseas: 4 months
Time in Orléans: 3 months
Classes attended: almost 2 weeks
Weeks of strike: 8 (plus 1 week of midsemester break) and counting
Where we would be in semester if not on strike: week 10
Number of weeks semester will be extended if the strike finishes any time soon: 6
Hours a day spent on facebook: up to 20
Bottles of wine consumed:…
French words learned: quite a lot actually, but most of them are things like “free range eggs” or “leek” or “corkscrew” or “hangover”
French words spoken per day: does “huh?” count as a french word?
Number of times “if I were a boy”, “liberta” and “poker face” play on the radio each hour: at least 3 times each
Clothes bought from H&M: approaching 20 items
Dvds watched: Impossible to count
Estimated money spent on pizza: 200 euros
Estimated number of different food / drink items spilt on my (coverless) quilt: 8
Number of days I’ve been awake before midday: 13 out of 88
Total time spent waiting for water to boil: at least 88 hours
Christina Aguilera “come on over baby” play count: 40
P.S. I just got a letter saying I’ve been upgraded from Sephora’s white Carte de Fidelité to their black one. This means I have spent 150 euros there. I wasn’t so much excited as ashamed.
Time in Orléans: 3 months
Classes attended: almost 2 weeks
Weeks of strike: 8 (plus 1 week of midsemester break) and counting
Where we would be in semester if not on strike: week 10
Number of weeks semester will be extended if the strike finishes any time soon: 6
Hours a day spent on facebook: up to 20
Bottles of wine consumed:…
French words learned: quite a lot actually, but most of them are things like “free range eggs” or “leek” or “corkscrew” or “hangover”
French words spoken per day: does “huh?” count as a french word?
Number of times “if I were a boy”, “liberta” and “poker face” play on the radio each hour: at least 3 times each
Clothes bought from H&M: approaching 20 items
Dvds watched: Impossible to count
Estimated money spent on pizza: 200 euros
Estimated number of different food / drink items spilt on my (coverless) quilt: 8
Number of days I’ve been awake before midday: 13 out of 88
Total time spent waiting for water to boil: at least 88 hours
Christina Aguilera “come on over baby” play count: 40
P.S. I just got a letter saying I’ve been upgraded from Sephora’s white Carte de Fidelité to their black one. This means I have spent 150 euros there. I wasn’t so much excited as ashamed.
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